


Letters From the Desk of the Particle of God

by SniperMoran



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-22 22:19:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23001286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SniperMoran/pseuds/SniperMoran
Summary: Various letters written by Higgs Monaghan, the Particle of God.Posted these to my tumblr (showmeyourstarstigersniper) but now I'm posting them all here so they are collected somewhere other than the notepad on my phoneMight add more later
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. Dear Self,

Dear self,  
Take her words with a grain of salt because she doesn't truly know this world. She's never been a part of it, really, so she knows nothing about it.  
Destruction begets destruction and listening to her will only bring about your own downfall.  
Block her out.

Also, don't forget to order extra mushrooms on the pizza next time, ya fuckin idiot.  
\- 💀🍕


	2. Dear Mom,

Dear Mama,  
I wish I knew you. I wish I knew more about you than the little Daddy has told me. We don't keep pictures of you around, so I can't even remember what you look like, what you sound like, if I ever even got to know those things anyway.  
I wish you hadn't left me alone with him.  
Maybe I would've turned out different. Maybe I wouldn't be the way I am.  
Without even knowing you, I miss you.  
With love from your son,  
\- Higgs


	3. Dear Dad,

Dear Daddy,  
You weren't ready for me, but you got me anyway and took care of me the best you could. Course, you didn't have to go and take yourself some extracurriculars with me, but you did anyway.  
It's fine though, because you're gone and I'm free.  
With your death, came my ultimate freedom. I have power you couldn't imagine, stuck down in our stupid bunker, hidden away from the world.  
I am the world, now. A god of it.  
The particle of God that permeates all of existence...  
Hooo boy, wouldn't you just be so damn proud.

Sometimes I miss you. Other times I just miss the feeling of taking your life to further my own.  
Thanks for all you've given me  
\- Higgs


	4. Dear crush,

Dear crush,  
Surprise surprise, it's you, Sammy boy. Who was actually surprised? I doubt even you were, because surely you knew. It's not as though I kept it a secret, with my obvious flirting.  
I'll make it more clear for you:  
📨💲📮🍕🚪🍆🍑📹📸😏  
\- Peter Englert 💀

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation of Higgs emojis:  
> I put in a request for pizza, but it's a front for sex and also let me take pictures of you


	5. Dear past me,

Dear past me,  
Oh boy, kiddo... lots of things are coming your way and you gotta figure out what you're ready for and what's important to you. Don't make the same fucking mistakes I did, if you can help it.  
Ignore the fucking bitch in your head, for one. Ain't gonna end in any sort of good way for us, I can promise you that.  
Stick to Hardass - you're good for each other, he even said so once. I miss that.  
\- Higgs


	6. Dear first love,

Dear Handsome Hardass Sam the Delivery Man,

You remember when I called you that? Damn... seems like a whole lifetime ago now, doesn't it?  
We were different people back then, Sammy, different people indeed. I was a nobody and I thought you were like me.  
But now you're off playing into Amelie's hand because mommy died. Boo fucking hoo. Not like you knew her, not like she knew you. You owe her fucking nothing!

...be careful, Sam, because Amelie isn't what she seems to be.  
Neither am I, anymore.  
I'm not that spastic boy you fell in love with in a fucking cave. I'm not that kid you lovingly called your _princess_ \- been a long time since you called me that one.

I'm the Game Over.  
I'm the good old fashioned boss battle.  
I'm waiting for you, on the Beach.  
So let's settle this, once and for all.  
End this death cycle, rinse and repeat.

 _Bring me to my knees, Sammy boy~_  
\- 💀


	7. Dear future me,

Dear Higgs of the Future,

Haha! Fooled you! There's nothing here because the future is irrelevant and ain't gonna exist.  
Not for us.  
Not for you, for me.  
It's all over when she says jump.  
\- 💀


	8. Dear best friend,

My dearest Fragile,

You were my best girl, darlin. I told you everything, until I couldn't tell you a damn thing anymore.  
Apologies don't and can't fix what I've done to you, but I want you to know I am genuinely sorry. A part of me is, anyway.  
The part that still remembers our late nights spent shootin the shit, you letting me cry and offering me a fuckin grub like you had nothin else but that to offer.

Forget me, Fragile. Forget I ever existed, and keep going on with what you do best - helping the people who need you.  
I don't need you, anymore.  
...or, more accurately, no one needs me.  
Tell Sammy I'm sorry, too.  
\- 💀


	9. Dear people that hate me,

Dear people that hate me,

I'm back, you fools.  
Back from the edge place that you pushed me.  
Back from the fuckin dead where you left me to rot.

...but I'm all alone.

My own personal hell.

So, you happy now?  
Proud of yourself for defeating the Big Boss?  
Because let me tell you, that in 'defeating' me, you haven't brought an end to _shit._  
I'm not the Big Boss, but _She_ is.  
That sweet Game Over is still coming for you all, and I won't be sorry when it drops on us.  
Death brings me power, and when you're all dead and gone, I will be here. Alive, more powerful than ever

...and alone.  
~H


	10. Dear person I hate,

Amelie,

I loved you, or at least I thought I did. You made me feel safe and strong and like I've never felt before, or since.  
...but, I eventually realized I hated how I felt around you, because of you.  
No matter my feelings towards you, I still hated myself, maybe even more than when I was trapped in my bunker.  
You made me believe in you and you made me think I was important, that I was special.  
You're worse than my Daddy ever could've been, manipulative and cruel, dangling this beautiful power out in front of me like a treat on a string, only to take it all away when it mattered the most. When you started to get cold feet.

....I loved you, more than I ever loved somebody before, and you used that against me, used me like a tool in your arsenal and disposed of me in the same manner.

All I wanted was someone to give a damn, someone to actually love me. All you gave me was the power to destroy anyone that had the possibility of doing so, and I did. I destroyed every potential, burned every Bridge.

I loved you, and you ruined me  
 _you fucking bitch._  
\- 💀

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the end, but it isn't really the end  
> Not the real Game Over


	11. Dear future child,

Dear Future Child,

I don't even know if you'll exist, or if you'll live, but if you do... if you do, I'll love you with all that I can. And, if nothing else, I promise you that I will never treat you the same as my Daddy treated me. If anyone tries treating you the way he did, I'll kill em.

...I hope you don't take after me. Who's ever else you are, I hope you turn out like them, because without a shadow of a doubt, I can tell you they are probably better than me.

I was a God, once.  
I was worshipped by a whole new type of human race.  
...but if I'm having you, if you're being brought into this world, all that is over. All of that is behind me, but I'm still not a good person.  
Never will be, fully.  
You'll be the best thing I do for the world, the best thing I've ever made, and I will love you until I have no more love to give.

\- 💛 Baba


End file.
